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Your Cat is Plotting to Kill You... Trust Us

Cats are mysterious creatures. They glare. They leer. They lurk. If you see a pair of glowing eyes watching you from the shadows, chances are, it’s a cat who’s plotting to kill you. Felines are so secretive that we will never really know exactly what’s going on inside their heads. But we can surmise a few things about why your cat is plotting to kill you… and how you can tell.

 

Why?

 

1. He is King of the Castle—and wants to keep it that way.

 

Your cat rules the roost, and will have it no other way. If you threaten to usurp his power—say, you don’t let him sprawl across the entire bed or you swat him off the counter when he’s surfing for a snack—you’d better watch your back.

 

 

2. She is a prisoner who's planning mutiny.

 

If you have a kitty who’s yearning to chase butterflies in the great outdoors, she may view you as a prison guard keeping her trapped indoors. She will do anything to break free, and with every swish of her tail, she’s mapping out a mutiny. Watch out.

 

 

3. He is a predator, and you are his prey.

 

Everyone knows that cats are natural hunters, but what they don’t know is that humans are their prey. Your cat can’t wait to dig his claws into your soft, warm flesh. He is watching, waiting, until one day…POUNCE!

 

 

4. She wants to eat on her terms.

 

She knows you feed her, and that’s why she’s kept you around this long. But your cat isn’t a fan of this human-controlled “meal time.” You represent an obstacle that stands between her and the food pantry. For this, you must be destroyed.

 

 

How can you tell?

 

If your cat exhibits any of these signs…RUN!!!

 

  1. Practicing ninja-like moves
  2. Examining you in your sleep
  3. Sharpening his/her claws
  4. Weaving between your legs until you lose your footing
  5. Hiding behind corners to scare the living daylights out of you
  6. Starting to attack parts of you…like your feet under the covers
  7. Watching you from a distance to uncover your weaknesses…

 

When we adopt our feline friends, we’re basically bringing furry murderers into our homes. But we keep on doing it, because for some reason, we just can’t resist their quirky antics, despite their killer instincts. After all, aside from their lethal intentions, our kitties make great companions and fluffy cuddlers—as long as it’s on their terms. 

The Open Farm Team Animal lovers and advocates keeping you in the loop about all things pet @openfarmpet

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